So, as I said previously in my introduction…
I was sitting on the couch when my husband got home from work. He proceeded to walk into the living room, slowly, delaying his arrival to solicit my interest, an irritating habit of his.
I asked, “How was your day?” trying to hide my annoyance.
“I don’t know, something weird happened to me today.” he began, as he sat down on the couch next to me.
My interest was piqued. I turned towards him and waited. Thinking of all the weird things that could have happened to him like maybe he saw a ghost or maybe he temporarily lost his memory and forgot who he was. You know, weird.
“A woman was interested in me.” he continued a little too slowly.
“What do you mean?”
“She basically asked me to sleep with her. I said I was married, happily married, but she persisted. She said that she would ‘rock my world.’” Ewe.
I thought about the question in my mind before I asked it and debated on its relevancy. I mean, he turned her down. His ego was boosted. It was a win-win. But then, before I could stop myself, the following words spilled from my mouth:
“Was she pretty?”
Is Real Love Blind?
He should have responded with a resounding “No!” or “Not as pretty as you.” I’m not even sure what I expected him to say, but it surely wasn’t what he said next.
“Honey,” was he trying to be gentle? “You are average looking-but so am I.” he quickly added. As if that would take away the sting.
What followed was a mish-mosh of emotion, frustration, and a little back peddling. The last two on his part. Apparently, I was supposed to understand what he was trying to communicate.
It was no big deal that someone hit on him. But did he already forget what he had just said to me a moment ago?
I wondered if someone could be in love with and physically attracted to another, yet not think of them as attractive? Clearly so. But is that love? Real love is blind, right?
Love Yourself First
The strange thing was that there wasn’t a drop of disdain or disgust in his tone, he thought he was just being honest. He was just saying what he really thought of my appearance, pointing out a fact.
The real problem, I would learn much later, was that I believed him.
I wanted more than anything for the man I chose to see nothing but perfection and beauty when he looked at me. I didn’t know then that I had chosen him specifically because he mirrored my own negative views of myself.
When we first met, if he had believed that I was the most beautiful woman in the world, I wouldn’t have been attracted to him. I would have believed myself to be unworthy.
No one else can love you unless you love yourself first.
“Just because I think you’re ugly doesn’t make you ugly. Just because I think you’re beautiful doesn’t make you beautiful. Maybe you’re giving your power away to other people, entrusting them to give you something that you ought to be giving yourself.”
Bishop TD Jakes, Oprah’s Life Class, Super Soul Sunday 2012, Channel 279
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