As most people will tell you…
there are parts of their bodies or appearance that they would love to change if they ever had the chance to do cosmetic surgery. I have a few body parts of my own that I would love to fine tune. I’ve since made peace with most of them, but the one part of me that I just couldn’t accept was my nose.
My nose was fine when my face was static but became wide when I smiled or laughed. Consequently, when I smiled or laughed, I looked down or turned away from anyone around me. I didn’t even like seeing my own reflection.
When I was in the process of introspection in my life, I felt like my outside needed to change too. So, about six years ago, I had the tip of my nose slightly reduced as well as a hump on the bridge of my nose filed down. I left it wide because I didn’t want to have my nose broken. And I didn’t want to look too different.
Ready for Surgery
I waited many years to go through with it. I had to make sure that I was in a place where the sole reason that I was doing it was for me. It was clear that the surgery was not guaranteed to change my life in any way. I would still be me. I knew I was ready because I was mentally prepared for something possibly going wrong.
After surgery my initial reaction was disappointment. I was not pretty. It was such a small change that no one even noticed that I had anything done. But as time went on, I realized that I felt something unexpected. I felt normal.
The changes were just enough to let who I was inside come out a little more. I was still very much an introvert, yet I smiled and laughed more freely when I was around other people and that was an amazing feeling.
Getting to Know the Real Me
After a few months of healing, I noticed that I didn’t give my nose a second thought. When I looked in the mirror it wasn’t so much an effort to not look at my nose anymore. It was just who I was. I stopped thinking, obsessing really, over this facial feature, giving me time to just live and focus on more important things.
We all want to be accepted by other people when in public even if that means being left alone. We all want to be considered unique and special yet want to be the same as everybody else. Let me clarify. We want to fit in as physical beings but want to be recognized for the individuals that we are.
If you want to change your appearance because someone else wants you to or because you want someone to notice, love, or accept you then that is a sure sign that you need to work on your self-esteem before you go any further.
Another wonderful, unexpected result of my surgery was that since I wasn’t obsessing about my nose any longer, my inner voice easily rose to the surface without any mental obstacles to block it. I felt like I was getting to know the real me because rather than focusing on the external insecurities, I felt liberated to offer input. Or not. I felt confident that I wasn’t avoiding interaction because of lack of esteem. It was a choice without any self-judgment.
I was able to connect with myself on a deeper level and for the first time connect with others whether it be a stranger at the grocery store, a neighbor, or my extended family.
Complements
I don’t want to tell the following story, but I feel the message is much too important not to.
My husband and I were talking with a woman behind the customer service counter at a car dealership. I was telling her about my experience with the service up to that point, and midway through my story she interrupted to say that she thought that I was really pretty. What?! I said thank you and continued. And I have to say that although her comment was nice, it didn’t matter.
If you hold on to complements, then it’s that much easier to hold on to insults. If you give someone the power to lift you up, then you give them the power to tear you down.
I won’t lie, it felt great for a couple of days, and it was cake that my husband was a witness, but I had to let it go.
If You Feel Good, Then You Look Good
Months later I contemplated the experience. I wondered what it was that she saw. I’m not downing myself; I’m just being realistic. Another disclosure: I have a skin condition called Melasma. The only time it bothers me is when I have to go to a formal event. I don’t feel polished, and I don’t like to wear makeup so it’s hard for me to feel confident.
When I was relaying my experience at the dealership, she was actively listening, which meant that she was looking directly at me. I wasn’t thinking anything about that really. I was just telling my story. In that moment I had felt comfortable in my skin. I smiled and laughed and exuded confidence. My ease was what was pretty to her. I can accept that.
Most people say that if you look good, then you feel good. I would agree although it works on the flip side too. If you feel good, then you look good.
“I am so beautiful, sometimes people weep when they see me. And it has nothing to do with what I look like really, it is just that I gave myself the power to say that I am beautiful, and if I could do that , maybe there is hope for them too. And the great divide between the beautiful and the ugly will cease to be. Because we are all what we choose.”
Margaret Cho
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