We look to those…
that we love to reflect our true selves back to us. We readily accept these declarations as truth. As a result, we give them the power to either fill us up or effectively crush us within the span of a few seconds. We call that love.
I had let what others thought of me define me, furthermore, guide me directly to him. In retrospect I can see that I was full, yet I called myself empty. I was primed to fulfill whatever it was that he needed.
I was comfortable being around others who projected their limited beliefs and fears onto me. Consequently, when he came along and proclaimed me average, I accepted it wholeheartedly.
Yet deep inside I felt conflicted.
The manufactured me needed his approval. The real me was confused as to why I needed him at all.
Laws of Nature
It was easy to shoo away my pesky inner voice as a foolish interruption. I had become an expert at it.
What parents think of their children is like the Laws of Nature: It cannot be changed. Thankfully, there is a loophole. While their opinions of us may or may not change, what we believe of ourselves can.
We are free to discover who we are and what we have to offer, free to accept and love ourselves as-is, and free to develop and nurture ourselves to become the best versions of ourselves.
Free.
I Was Playing a Game With Myself
So, why do we, why did I, once I left my parent’s side quickly find a replacement? A replacement that would convey with the eyes, the silence, and eventually the tongue that I was just as they said I was.
Did I love him, or did I love the fight? Did I crave loneliness, need the tears, desire the way it felt to struggle? I was playing a game with myself and there was never ever a chance that I was going to win.
Let go.
It’s easier to love yourself as you are as opposed to hating yourself for not being who others want and/or expect you to be.
And if you find some things about yourself that you cannot love? Set out on a journey to find out why you have these beliefs. Evolve and change or evolve and accept. Show yourself a little compassion.
There are people out there who expect you to surrender your soul for their satisfaction. Those that require you to be everything for them while leaving nothing left for you.
Let them go.
“In seeking love, we lose what is genuine. This is the prison we create for ourselves as we seek what we already have.”
Byron Katie
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