When a woman looks in the mirror…
she doesn’t see her own reflection. She sees actresses, singers, and models faces superimposed over hers and is struck by how much she doesn’t measure up.
Oprah once said that it takes just 8 seconds for depression to set in when looking through a magazine.
Why do we let others, male and female, family, friends, and total strangers alike rate us? More so, give them the power to define us and determine our worth. Without question we allow them to take happiness from us. Let them decide the path that we should take in life depending on what we look like.
When I Look in the Mirror
Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I see what I am lacking, what I am not in this world. Other times I see that I am a complete human being who lacks nothing. That’s when the universe and I are in agreement that I am here to learn, grow, and just to be, a human being.
When I feel the former, it is almost always because my husband and I have encountered a gorgeous woman and I can’t help but feel that her beauty has eclipsed me.
When I feel the latter, it’s usually when I am alone and enjoying my own company, doing things that bring me joy. Sometimes, I sit in my backyard and close my eyes listening to the sounds around me feeling connected to everyone and everything.
But I can’t live my life in my back yard.
Another Human Being
Walking through this world on your own is quite different than living in it with someone who has vowed to love you for better or for worse.
Aside from the baggage of our pasts, there is this feeling that the other person has split you open, and they alone have the power to give, take, and/or manipulate your heart how they see fit.
Most can trust that our hearts are in good hands. Yet, it can be a challenge to feel good enough in the presence of physical beauty when you are with the one you love.
So, going back to what we’ve learned so far. Loving yourself first is a necessary foundation that will pave the way for positivity and growth. Real beauty shines from the inside out not the other way around.
And once you’ve learned self-compassion, it is much easier to look at others and see another human being standing before you. No matter what they look like.
How You Feel
Okay, so vanity is really a waste of time. Confidence is fluid, it comes and goes, rises, and falls, more so in the public eye.
The question is how do we maintain that organic, down-to-earth, feeding the soul, being in your space yet filling up the whole world feeling, the one that we feel when we are alone and being our authentic and most comfortable selves, when we are out in the world?
When we are in the privacy of our own homes, we do. When out in the world, in public or social settings, we think. And what we think about almost always has to do with the way we look, and what others think about it.
My sister-in-law’s sing song words ring in my ears “it’s not how you look it’s how you feel.”
How you feel about yourself should be based on how you feel. Not what others believe, assume, judge, expect, desire, or decide for and about you. That’s it. Period.
“The only real battle in life is between hanging on and letting go.”
Shannon L. Alder
Leave a Reply