The past is interesting.
It’s not just something you think about objectively. It is more like a machine that is activated by your thoughts, positive and/or negative.
If you think about a positive experience from your past, you instantly feel the same emotions that you felt when you originally had this experience, albeit not as intense, but positive, nonetheless. You are joyful, but you know that it is from the past and you are just savoring. It feels like more of a choice when we think of a positive memory.
However, when it comes to negative experiences it feels less a thought and more like being instantly transported back in time. It’s as if you are re-living the experience. You feel the same emotions at the same intensity in your body. Your heart races, your blood pressure increases, there is an immense amount of stress attacking your body. You cannot separate the emotions of the past from the present moment. You experience hurt and anger all over again. It feels like it is happening now. Negative memories feel like an assault on your senses rather than a choice.
So, how can we be objective when thinking about the past?
They Both Live in the Past Together
Well, first let’s change what the past means for us.
The past is described as a time which has gone by. So, whether it was great or not so great, everything that has happened becomes the past. The past is heavy. You need both hands to be in the present. If it is in your best interest to leave behind a difficult past, then the same holds true for good times. They both live in the past, together.
There is nothing that you can do to change negative experiences. Nothing. Unfortunately, you must re-live them over and over again in order to process them. You have lost something in this experience. Mourn what you have lost and move on. Wishing for a reality where it never happened will only keep you mired in the past.
As for the good memories, they are gone just the same as bad memories. See them for what they are: a moment or era in time. Wishing for those times to come back is folly and a waste of time. Simply savor.
Don’t Forget Where You Are
Holding on to good memories is selective remembering. In reality, they may not have been that great. We tend to pick and choose the best elements and forget about any negatives. It was your perspective, your attitude, and outlook of gratitude that made the event a positive memory.
Holding on to bad memories keeps you from creating new, good ones.
The goal is to be in the moment as much as you can. You don’t want to miss anything.
What you do today will ultimately become your future. If you continually spend your time looking to the past, at good or bad memories, then you risk living a stagnant life. Flying back and forth occasionally to reminisce about a beautiful time or recount a bad experience and how each one has changed you in any way, is okay. You can’t forget where you came from.
Just don’t forget where you are.
“When the past calls let it go to voicemail. It has nothing new to say.”
Mandy Hale
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