We throw out the garbage…
we recycle empty packaging, we donate unused household items, why do we insist on holding on to emotional baggage?
And just like our garbage or unused items our EB no longer serves a purpose. It must become something else. Something useful, something positive.
I have always been a little uncomfortable in my own skin. Probably because of childhood trauma. That’s a normal response, I think. I was insecure about the way I looked before I ever met my husband. Yet, I made him the cause of it (my insecurity)
I’ve since worked out all the before stuff making it easier to address my marriage independently. I understand he was projecting, and his claims don’t make what he said about me a fact. They were his words. He gave them to me, and I accepted them for thirty years. Now, I’m going to give them back to him.
I Know Who I Am
I know who I am. Not perfect or considered beautiful by any means. Regardless, I feel good when I look in the mirror most times. When I don’t for some reason (bad hair day, Melasma, just tired) I choose to feel good anyway and go through my day focusing on the good that I can create.
His words are like a distant alarm, miles away. I recognize it. I hear it, but it doesn’t fray my nerves, keep me awake, or become the most important event in my life that accompanies and influences every action I take and every word that comes out of my mouth…anymore, at least ninety-nine percent of the time. That one percent is the fact that I will never forget what he said.
My words to myself are compassionate, understanding, forgiving, gentle, and loving. I remind myself that I will leave this body someday and hope that what I have left behind is a legacy of kindness, forgiveness, compassion, and love.
And If I need correction that’s what I do. I set myself straight, sometimes right away, most times it takes a little longer, but I always get there.
I Must Let It Go
I’ve concluded that he is his own person. He will have to live with the decisions he has made throughout his life. It is not for me to judge. I need to be the best that I can be with or without him.
We think that a rocky beginning and the ensuing romantic drama cannot be thrown out unless the pair has parted. It’s probably a lot easier; out of sight out of mind…until you are in a new relationship. And unless you have processed it, unless you have done the work, it cannot be thrown out. Whatever fed that failed relationship would go on to feed the next one.
If you’re still together, it is necessary to take the time to bring everything in the room and label it. What can we let go of because we don’t need it anymore. What taught us something about ourselves or each other that has been recycled into growth. And what do we need to discard, destroy, or toss into the trash heap and let burn.
For me, my pain has become a story that I have learned many things from. Things like self-love, compassion, acceptance, and forgiveness for him and myself. Anything borne from those lessons must become another story. So, if I want to move on to something better, I must let it go. I have to stop trying to convince myself that the old story is good enough. Because it’s not. There is nothing more for the past to teach me.
Hello, Goodbye
It feels good to forgive. To give myself the energy that I used to use for pain. As hard as it is to forgive, forgiving is far easier than forgetting. That’s where things can get a little blown out of proportion in a heartbeat.
My mom read in a magazine that when a bad memory or negative thought enters your mind say “hello” to acknowledge it and then a quick “goodbye” to let it go. There is no point trying to rehash something that has already come and gone. If you’re going to let something, go, then let it go.
There are times when I get stuck in the past; feels like I’m knee deep in mud and no matter how much I struggle to get out I’m still stuck. It’s when I stop and surrender to being stuck that I realize that if I sit down and pull my legs out at an angle, I am able to release myself.
Holding on to negativity is like loving a bad taste in your mouth and spending every moment that follows trying to replicate that taste so you can experience it again and again.
I will let go because I choose to. This is not my story anymore.
There will always be something to learn and something to let go.
“To heal a wound you need to stop touching it.”
http://www.livelifehappy.com
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