We arrived on this earth alone…
and will depart this world the same way. As soon as we get here, we are surrounded by those who will care for us, guide us, love us, hopefully for the rest of our lives. This first group is necessary for our survival.
As children we are encouraged to search out others to befriend, share, connect with. Relatively easy to do when we are young because we still feel whole. As soon as we begin to compare ourselves to others, they or we decide that we are not worthy of their attention. And the feeling of needing friends’ verses wanting friends gets intertwined.
When you’re a kid it’s easy to make friends. All you are concerned about is playing. Easy. Then comes junior high where it becomes what one has or doesn’t have in relation to others. Things like nice clothes, spending money, or developing boobs, lol. I didn’t want to waste my time with others who cared about that kind of stuff. Going solo was easy for me.
As a young adult, I was made to feel ashamed because I preferred to be alone rather than attend a family barbeque or reunions. I would make an obligatory appearance, and then leave early and without goodbyes. Anti-social? No. I just preferred being with one close friend or family member at a time. Everyone thought I was odd.
It used to bother me because I believed I was supposed to want to be with other people. There are millions of individuals that live between anti-social and social. And they’re all okay.
Easier to Stay Present
I prefer working independently in the workplace or an occasional group setting. I prefer being at home alone, but will host a party, if it’s a life-or-death situation, Lol. Although I was born an introvert, it was easier to be social when I was a kid because kids are in the moment. When older, it becomes about everything outside of ourselves. That’s why I like being alone because it’s easier to stay present.
However, there are times when I want human contact. That’s when I go to Walmart and have a micro conversation with the cashier. Or a fellow shopper. I’ll call my mom or search out my husband after being in my lady lounge for a bit.
Even introverts need to have either one close friend or a select group of people occasionally. Being able to go it alone is empowering. It is less likely that someone else can take advantage of you if you are not desperate for their attention. Someone who wants to use you will jump on that and someone who doesn’t will find you annoying.
Don’t get me wrong, I think being able to navigate social situations comfortably is awesome. It’s something that I admire because it is extremely challenging for me. What I’m saying is that the other end of the spectrum deserves a little credit as well. Being able to entertain yourself and feel comfortable being in your own company is awesome too.
Perspective Is Everything
If this task poses a challenge for you try being on your own for short spurts of time. No need to eat alone at a restaurant. Just go to the library because there are a lot of other people on their own. Or Walmart, it’s so big you can be comfortably anonymous.
Perspective is everything.
If you find yourself at a department store alone and are mad because nobody wanted to come with you, you will see couples or duos everywhere you look and begin to feel out of place. If you accept and embrace the situation you might find some positives. Nobody is rushing you or pulling you to a department you don’t want to go to. No one to complain because you need to look at ten of the same items before making your choice.
There is a great chance as well that someone is looking at you wishing they were at the store alone because of all the freedom they perceive that you have.
If your usual companion finds themselves unable to spend time with you for any reason, treat this as an opportunity to spend time with yourself. Being your own companion is a superpower.
Self-reflection, self-respect, self-love, and self-improvement are all solo journeys. No one can know your mind and your heart the way that you can and should. Learn who you are, what you want and need, who you want to be and love yourself fully through it all.
Self-love runneth over.
“Do not be a harsh judge of yourself. Without kindness toward ourselves we cannot love the world.”
Buddha
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