Not being able to trust…
your own judgment is the worst kind of distrust.
As an individual grows from experience, we learn some hard lessons. Like whom is on our team. Who has our back. Who has our best interests at heart, and who does not.
We learn that some people will distort the title and manipulate the role. They will hypnotize us with the person we hope them to be. We count on parents to protect us. Spouses to honor their vow to be faithful. Friends to always be truthful.
Then one day, for some mysterious reason, we see that what they are saying to us is not jiving with what they are doing. Regardless of the title, and the role they play in our lives, they cannot be trusted
We learn to separate what they are doing, from who their title says they should be. Our trust and faith in them will slowly be chipped away until we learn this fundamental truth. That no one has control of what someone else does or doesn’t do. No amount of hope will change that.
You Do It Again
So, you have learned, and you have grown. Then you do it again. You put your trust in someone who has not earned or deserve it. Your hope in this person even buffers the fact that they seem unconcerned that they have betrayed your trust.
Here comes the epiphany. You realize that the problem is not the person who has taken your trust for granted. The problem is that once again you have placed your trust in the untrustworthy.
So, what do you do?
When you are focusing on what’s going on outside of you and something inside of you perks up, feels off, makes you question the situation, pay attention. That’s your intuition.
It’s easy to ignore this feeling when in the middle of chaos, or when emotions are high. If you can’t address it right then, come back to it later. When you have a moment to yourself, investigate what you have seen, heard, and felt.
Growing up we learn to dismiss our intuition. We feel like we don’t have enough experience in the world to validate our feelings. Then as teens or young adults we are called dramatic or weird if we cite feeling off as basis for doubt. When grown we have ignored what is going on inside of us for so long that we easily doubt ourselves.
Trusting Your Own Judgment
My mom didn’t trust anyone. She made sure to instill that sentiment in me at a very young age. She had a very difficult upbringing, so I can fully understand why she feels this way.
I was also taught to respect adults, particularly ones she hoped to trust, to a fault.
Personally, trusting someone else is not my goal.
I came to a point in my life where I realized that not only did I not have any control over others, no matter who they were, but that me policing them would not ensure their loyalty, concern, or love for me.
I had to let that go and give them the benefit of the doubt, until of course that little voice inside was telling me to pay attention. In that instance once I found the answers, I gave it to the universe to judge and that left me a tremendous about of time for self-improvement.
As long as I can trust myself that’s all that matters.
Trusting your own judgment in people comes from practicing listening to your inner voice (intuition) being the person that you wish in others (trustworthiness) and honoring your feelings (self-respect).
“Trust your intuition. It’s the best compass you’ll ever have.”
Oprah Winfrey
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