The other day I woke up…
angry. I had taken the anger to bed with me hoping that it would have dissipated into the air above me sometime throughout the night and incorporate itself into my dreams to be dismissed with the morning light as events that never happened.
If I had dreamed, I don’t remember. Maybe that’s why my anger had nowhere to go.
But I didn’t want to be angry on that day. It would take too much energy to hold on to it and I had things to do. I wanted to feel the happiness that I felt before the anger came. Where did that happy person go?
Fast forward 24 hours when I was doing my daily reading. I’m currently reading Soul Stories by Gary Zukav. In this chapter (pg. 108-112) Zukav talks about the different parts of a person that are angry, sad, jealous, and frightened.
He says that the more you challenge these parts the less power they have over you. And the more power you have over them. Eventually, their power over you disappears whereby you create what Zukav calls Authentic Power.
Zukav uses baking bread as an analogy to create Authentic Power. The ingredients, harmony, cooperation, sharing, and reverence for life are all required. No substitutions.
I understood AP to be created by using one or all the ingredients at any given moment. Depending on what your life is asking from you. Zukav says each time you choose any of the ingredients you challenge parts of yourself that want other things.
Authentic Power is then created intention by intention, choice by choice.
I Wanted to Be Happy
I read this chapter of the book the day after that morning and was like, “what? this angry me is just one part of me?
Anyway, going back to that morning, I had decided not to acknowledge my anger. I wanted to be happy and knew that I would have to create a link for my happiness to connect to by practicing gratitude. Just one thing would do.
So, I said to myself, I am thankful for the bed that I am rising from. I sat up and put on my slippers, took a few steps to my bathroom, and realized that I felt thankful for the legs that carried me there.
Once in the kitchen I turned on my coffee maker. The aroma was delicious. I then proceeded to the living room. Upon opening the curtains in the front room, I immediately felt the sun on my face.
Now, what had I been angry about? I had to think hard on what it was and realized that I no longer felt angry. I was happy!
Investigating that anger, I discovered that I wasn’t angry at first. I was sad, and then I became angry because the person who triggered that sadness was unaware. They should have realized what they had done. Right? Then I remembered when I had unknowingly done something to someone that hurt them. When I realized it the next day, I called them to apologize. But what if I hadn’t? How would I have felt if they carried that anger for me?
Creating a Foundation
So, later in the day I talked to the person who I thought was the source of my anger, but because I was no longer angry, I was able to express myself calmly and communicate my feelings in a productive way.
If I had shared my thoughts, when I was angry, the anger would have been at the forefront and my feelings would have gone un-communicated. Furthermore, possibly blown up into something unnecessary.
Those ten minutes that I used to practice gratitude helped me to create a foundation for my day to be built upon.
And thanks to Mr. Zukav I understood that the part of me that wanted to hold on to that anger couldn’t compete with the part of me that wanted to be happy.
Tomorrow’s another day.
“Whatever difficulties you had had in the past, you can make a fresh start today.”
Buddha
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