Scrolling through TikTok…
recently I came across what I thought was a speech given by Benedict Cumberbatch, you know Dr. Strange, that I just can’t get out of my head.
I’ve come to find out that he was reading a letter written by Sol LeWitt to Eva Hesse in 1965 about Hesse’s creative blocks and how to overcome them.
Here is an excerpt:
“Learn to say “F*ck You” to the world once in a while. You have every right to. Just stop thinking, worrying, looking over your shoulder, wondering, doubting, fearing, hurting, hoping for some easy way out, struggling, grasping, confusing, itching, scratching, mumbling, bumbling, grumbling, humbling, stumbling, mumbling, rambling, gambling, tumbling, stumbling, scrambling, hitching, hatching, bitching, moaning, groaning, honing, boning, horse-shitting, hair-splitting, nit-picking, piss-trickling, nose sticking, ass-gouging, eyeball-poking, finger-pointing, alleyway-sneaking, long waiting, small stepping, evil-eyeing, back-scratching, searching, perching, besmirching, grinding, grinding, grinding away at yourself. Stop it and just DO.”
Procrastinating
Of course, many people hearing that speech not only felt like he was talking to them personally, but they also felt either a little prickle or a slap in the face of guilt.
But here’s the thing, we’ve all done that. We all do it. In fact, it’s what all humans tend to do. Procrastinate. The difference between those that do and those that give in to procrastination is that the former fight the distractions and negative self-talk and still manage to DO.
While there is a difference between creating our own hurdles and walls and someone pointing them out, albeit a stranger, it was hard not to feel chastened.
I’ve made it a habit in my life to not tell anyone what I’m planning to do. I wait until I’ve done it and then share what I have done if I feel like it. That way if I didn’t do something I told someone I was going to do, there is no guilt or embarrassment at not having done what I claimed I would.
We Feel the Need to Prove Ourselves
Sometimes we tell people things that we are planning to do because we feel like everyone expects something from us. We feel the need to prove ourselves to those close to us as well as to complete strangers.
Where does that come from?
I’ve always felt like I had something special, something of my own, inside. The first twenty years of my life I was told that I was wrong. So, I stopped trying.
I didn’t get what I needed at home, so I tended to overshare. Oversharing gives others the power to sway what you choose to do or become in your life.
Telling people, especially strangers, all the things you’re going to accomplish is your way of trying to get validation that you never received. However, telling strangers only results in you walking away feeling like a fraud and even more unworthy than you did before.
Know Who You Are Talking To
Also, it is a gamble. You may get positive feedback about all your dreams. Or you may get a list of all the reasons that you will not succeed. Know who you are talking to.
When well-meaning people genuinely want to support you and give you that validation, it’s great, but it competes with what came before. They are the wrong people trying to give you something that doesn’t replace what you lost.
And when they ask you if you did what you said you would, and they will, and you didn’t, oh the guilt.
Okay, so how do you maneuver that?
Let me just say that before you can begin you have to understand that you may never get what you needed then, now, from the people you needed it from. And if you do get it, it won’t be the same because you are not the same.
You must decide that you are worthy of nurturing, encouragement, guidance, and support. There’s no need to wait for it. It has been waiting for you to give it to yourself all along.
Keep It to Yourself
Okay, firstly, and most importantly, keep it to yourself.
Secondly, break down the things you want to do in your life into two categories. The things that if you do them will impress others and make you feel good about yourself. And things that you want to do because you will feel good about yourself, and you don’t care if you impress anybody in the process.
Discard the unnecessary and proceed accordingly.
What you do or don’t do is your business. It’s your life, your time, your reality. Do it un-apologetically and with as little guilt as possible.
A person from my past once told me, “The only pressure you feel is the pressure you put on yourself.” A gold nugget that I have to remind myself is in my pocket.
“First tell yourself what you want to be; and then do what you need to do.”
Epictetus
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