Did you make a mistake…
yesterday? Say something you shouldn’t have? Make a decision that you wish you hadn’t?
Nothing is set in stone. Yes, some things are harder to get out of, and although you can’t go back in time, you can amend, edit, apologize, and/or learn from your mistakes.
Every day is a new opportunity to learn why your past is on a time loop.
I mentioned the book I’m currently reading a couple of posts ago, Self Matters, by Dr. Phil McGraw. This is the second time I’m reading the book. The first time around was thirteen years ago!
I was a different person then. But since starting the book again I’m realizing that acknowledging things from your past is only the beginning.
One thing I know for sure is that nothing is guaranteed to go smoothly. You will say and/or do things that you will be embarrassed about, be ashamed of, wish you could take back, do over, or hide from.
The Work Never Ends
So, the book, Self Matters, is basically about learning who your authentic self is.
I was a little floored when looking over my notebook that contained the work I did then. Why? Well, recently I had mentioned to a close friend that I had become aware of a habit of mine that I was not happy with. I expressed my interest in seeking out a therapist to discuss this habit.
And in that notebook were my Ten Defining Moments, which begins on page #112 of the book. One of ten was when I was nine or ten years old. It was an interaction with my stepdad that lasted probably no more than three minutes.
But those three minutes changed me. Before that moment I felt tall. After that moment I felt diminished, in body and spirit. I remember literally putting my head down feeling the world lose its vibrancy.
What Matters
In that moment I learned that I could no longer speak my mind. And although I am strong and a fighter, when I’m in a similar situation it’s like my tongue is cut off.
Now that this defining moment is exposed, furthermore that I am ready to not only acknowledge it but also to learn where it came from and why I let it tag along all these years, the next step is where I decide to reject or keep the beliefs that I adopted and accepted about myself.
Of course, I reject them. However, I know that shattering these beliefs that thwarted my self-concept then, is going to be difficult to say the least. Because I’m going to be tested repeatedly out in the real world.
I’ve failed ninety percent of the time up to this point. But that doesn’t matter. What matter’s is that I keep trying, and now that I understand where this habit or behavior came from, I know I can do this.
Today Is Built on Yesterday
Okay, so going back to saying or doing things you wished you hadn’t.
I once read that a great coping mechanism to use when handling such things was basically to re-write the event. I wish I could remember where I read or heard of it, but I’m basically saying that it’s not my idea.
However, it really works, and I wanted to share it.
So, one day I was recounting in my head something that I had done the day before. I don’t remember what it was now, but then I felt embarrassed. So, I changed the story.
I said out loud not what happened, but how I would have liked it to happen, and instantly felt better.
Obviously, it worked because I don’t remember it now. Also, it’s highly likely that no one else remembered. Or saw me the way that I saw me.
I re-wrote history.
There Isn’t a Guidebook on How to Do This Human Thing Right
We all arrived here the same: clueless and helpless. We all had to learn the way of the land, making a multitude of mistakes along the way.
It’s okay.
If someone is critical of how you are navigating this planet, maybe they’re not from here and they don’t understand how challenging it can get from time to time, Lol.
Every day, is a chance to do your best. You can’t do that if you are letting your past call the shots right under your nose. Let self-awareness reveal the hidden players in your life so that you can take back today.
The past already had its chance.
“Spent energy has no value.”
Dr. Phil McGraw, Self Matters, pg. 97
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