I have a friend who…
was always afraid to be alone. She was afraid to be at home alone or to go to any store by herself. She either needed be accompanied or have someone on the phone with her while she shopped.
Where did that come from, I wondered? If I had to categorize her, I would say she’s more on the introverted side and that confused me because I’m an introvert and I absolutely love being alone.
There could be any number of reasons why a person feels the need for perpetual company. All I can do is speculate as to why this is so, and I am in no way judging such a person. I’m just curious.
What Are You Looking For?
If you’re looking for happiness, you already have it within.
If you’re seeking validation, you have the power to give it to yourself.
Now, companionship, that’s entirely different.
Yes, you could go to a department store alone and be your own companion. However, sometimes you just need a buddy by your side.
There are pros and cons to solo trips and pros and cons to buddy runs. It just depends on what your mood is, who is available, and if everyone is on the same page as far as the store and the goal.
It only becomes a problem if you need something important, like groceries or bath soap, and you let your fear and anxiety stop you because there is nobody to go with you.
I have no doubt that many people out there in the world have similar fears. After all, we are more alike than different.
Being Independent on Purpose
Some time ago, my husband and I were on our way to Target and as we approached a four-way stop we overheard a conversation that a couple were having in front of their home.
She came out of their apartment ready to go. He was looking under the hood of a car. They looked at one another and she said “you’ve got to be kidding me” because he didn’t want to go. She became very upset, and they began to argue.
You can’t make someone want to be your companion. I’m sure that if he had gone to the store with her the arguing would have continued.
I’ve been in the same situation. I’ve gotten angry, complained, and argued. I went to the store and felt uncomfortable and angry not recognizing the pros.
The first time I decided that I was just going to have to do it and find the benefits of going alone, I felt like I had discovered an ancient secret.
Not only do others take notice when you want them, but don’t need them, you realize that not needing someone gives you the power to be selective when choosing who is around you.
Self-sufficiency, independence, and confidence are attractive, and powerful.
What Is Being Alone?
Some people are afraid of being on their own, feeling being left behind, or they confuse being alone with being lonely.
Or they are afraid to be alone because that is where their demons are. Again, the only way out is through.
You might want to investigate in order to shed some light on these dependency tendencies for sure, if that is what you would like to do. Or not. If this works for you, then more power to you.
There is also a difference between being alone, say at home, and going somewhere alone. The former may bring peace and the latter sheer terror, Lol, and like anything you get better at it with practice.
That being said I will never go to a restaurant alone again. Once was more than enough!
But think about it. You can feel alone in a group of family or friends, and like you are with your best friend when alone, and vice versa.
Feeling alone is a state of mind and has nothing to do with being lonely.
Making Peace With Solitude
Okay, so this friend I mentioned called me the other day on her way to Walmart, alone! Where is your husband, where are the kids, I asked. She said they were all at home. She told her husband I’m going to the store by myself, and the kids are staying with you. He responded with a simple, “okay.” And that was that.
I didn’t have time to point out that she never goes out alone or suspect that some drama had occurred that chased her out of her home. She simply said, “I don’t want to be alone, but I think I need to be.”
I understand that most human beings are social beings. However, there are going to be many, many times in one’s life where being comfortable being alone will prove to be a handy skill.
I Want to Be Alone
Saying the above phrase can feel like you are telling the universe to remove everyone from your life. It’s scary and feels like a selfish thing to ask for.
However, being alone gives you space to figure stuff out, to appreciate the life that you will return to, or to realize that you don’t want to.
Sometimes, you just need to think without any other input. Without others trying to “read” your face, Lol, and ask you what’s wrong every five minutes.
And sometimes, silence is all the noise you can stand.
Social butterfly or introvert, giving yourself some space is a necessary practice for renewal of the mind, body, and soul.
Even if it’s just for a moment.
“Solitude is as needful to the imagination as society is wholesome for the character.”
James Russell Lowell (1819-1891), USA
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