It’s hard not to feel like…
a fraud occasionally. It’s normal, even expected, to fall into the pit that you worked so hard to climb out of, from time to time.
That doesn’t make it any easier to feel like a better person. That’s the thing though, when we have made it through the fire and everything is finally wonderful, don’t forget the past that came along with you.
The past you was not that great you ponder. But the past you and the now you, are you. You can’t leave you behind.
So, what do you do?
You keep going
Once at a stoplight, I saw a girl walking across the street, back straight, confident. I thought, wow she’s sure of herself.
Then, almost imperceptibly, I saw a hitch in her step. The same hitch that I experience when walking somewhere and I know there is a great chance that I’m being watched.
A momentary spike of insecurity.
The key is not to run and hide. Nobody’s perfect. Nobody.
So, just keep going.
Striving to be yourself
Becoming your authentic self is akin to a recovering anything.
When you embark upon your journey to become your authentic self, the fake you who did and said things to keep someone else happy will come along with you.
You see that you in the mirror every day. It stands next to you, behind you, whispers in your ear, and sometimes regains control of you when you are faced with a situation where the old you will easily succumb to familiarity.
You feel bad. You feel like a failure. The difference between authenticity and returning to the fake you is what you do next.
Do you tell yourself that you the real you will never be accepted and loved, or do you speak your truth and move on?
Authentic or Human?
I haven’t embraced the phrase authentic self yet. It’s too much pressure. The opposite, according to Dr. Phil, is the fictional self.
Neither feels right to me because we are all at different times who we are, who we are expected to be, and who we would like to be. We’re all just trying to feel right; most like ourselves, at any given moment.
What it is to be human, yes?
It’s so hard not to present to the world who you were nurtured to be. Family, your culture, expectations, all shape you. Sometimes closer to the real you and most times further away.
But somewhere in the middle is the you trying to shed what doesn’t serve you and grasp on to who you know you are.
It’s a tug-of-war at the very least.
When your progress is…paused
So, here you are, succeeding, speaking your mind, standing your ground, feeling like you when suddenly, the past says, “don’t forget about me,” and you fall.
You’re reacting, speaking impulsively, revealing all the bad habits that you thought you grew out of, thought you left behind, and were sure that you destroyed.
I think the problem is separating yourself into past, present, and future when there is just you. You could say you are better, the same, or worse than you were yesterday or ten years ago, but you are still you, at the core.
Of course, we want to do our best and be the best version of ourselves and that involves changing the way you operate in the world as you grow, change, and learn.
We all make mistakes, falter, trip, sometimes flat on our faces.
The secret to life? Get back up.
“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.”
Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)
Leave a Reply