I’m now on chapter…
ten of Dr. Phil’s book Self Matters. The lessons that I am learning are mind blowing to say the least.
What makes this remarkable is that this is my second reading. The first time I read the book was thirteen years ago!
I’m asking myself, “Where the heck was your head the first time around?”
I must not have been ready to connect with this chapter’s lessons.
I’m going to try to put what I learned as clearly and concisely as I can as I am still trying to process what I read. I might have to read chapter ten again, Lol.
Here we go.
Self-Talk
We all know what self-talk is right? It’s a real-time internal dialogue where an individual engages in mostly negative feedback with themselves.
This kind of talk usually spills into the outer world by way of body language, attitude, and outlook.
Say, for example, I was given a simple task to complete at work. A task that I had never done before and wasn’t sure that I could do. Outwardly, I’m enthusiastic about it. My speech and tone may imply confidence. My inner dialogue however is saying that I don’t know if I can complete the task because I’m not talented, intelligent, or skilled enough.
The results of my performance will reflect my self-talk.
I have always been aware of my inner dialogue and with practice have transformed my negative Nancy into a positive Patricia. Or at the very least silenced her.
But there is another form of self-talk that we do that lurks in the shadows.
Tapes: a Dangerous Form of Self-Talk
Regular self-talk, positive or negative, is in real-time, in the moment.
This other type of self-talk, that Dr. Phil has dubbed a tape, is one that is based on past experiences.
A tape, according to Dr. Phil, is negative self-talk that you have rehearsed and repeated for so long and so often it has become an automatic response.
You are unaware of both the existence of these triggers as well as what your triggers are. Worse yet, that they are dictating the outcomes in your life!
Scary!
Where Do Tapes Come From?
So, this is what blew me away about the concept of tapes.
Your inner dialogue being in real-time is something that you are acutely aware of. You can hear yourself cheering you on, bringing you down or just making commentary as you move throughout your day.
You have a measure of control over what you are telling yourself.
Conversely, tapes are negative conversations created by fixed beliefs that were formed from your past experiences. They have hitched a ride on, and are controlled by, your subconscious.
There is little or no thought about what outcome you are expecting. There is no rationale as to why you believe what you are due, capable of, or worthy of in life. In relationships.
And the end belief is that your life is fate, written, and you have no say as to the choices you have, the opportunities that you have a right to pursue, or that you have the power to improve the quality of your life.
This is the nature of tapes that while you are not aware of them you are aware of the message that they impart, and you live accordingly.
There is a list of ten common tapes on page 232 that are worth checking out. You might be surprised to see a few of your beliefs on that list.
Identifying Your Tapes
Here is what I gleaned from chapter ten.
A person’s inner dialogue is in real-time. It is a conversation that you are aware of. If positive you will reap the benefits of this support. Negative self-talk, with practice, can be caught and eventually stopped.
Tapes live in our subconscious playing messages from past experiences on repeat. We are unaware of their existence, but once identified, they can be slowed down and analyzed.
Identifying your tapes by revealing the fixed beliefs that supply your tapes can re-write the script that you operate from in your life.
The information that I have provided here is just the tip of the iceberg. It is well worth it to read the book, do the work, and apply the lessons.
Personally, I have taken my past experiences and spread them out like a blanket to examine every thread. I was unaware of the messages that came with the experiences that were hiding in the fibers.
And those messages were dictating my life without my knowledge.
As long as I was following a script that honored what was I could not be my authentic self which is what is.
“Love yourself and be awake today, tomorrow, always…”
Buddha
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