Something I read…
in The Power of Now (which I just finished, Yay!) triggered a memory of a conversation that I had thirty plus years ago with my sister.
It got me thinking of what I’ve heard throughout the years about using your thoughts and self-talk to change your life.
So, let me start with the conversation. My sister and I were sitting at the kitchen table. We were talking about my mom and how she was worried about me because I wasn’t seriously dating.
I told my sister that I didn’t want to get married. My Stepdad was an alcoholic, a narcissist, and everything negative within a relationship and a family dynamic. I didn’t want to end up like my mom.
My sister said, “Be careful what you wish for.”
Looking back at my life I can see the handful of times that I was present. In those moments I knew what I wanted and was ready to make that happen. The rest of the time I was blind, deaf, and dumb to my own existence, presence, and purpose.
Long story short about two weeks after that conversation I met my now husband and was ready for marriage and children.
What the heck happened?!
Why would the Universe give me something that I did not want?!
The Universe Is No Secret
I won’t go too much into the fact that we were both emotionally immature and fell into something that neither of us was ready for, nor for that matter wanted.
At first, I thought it was what the book The Secret by Rhonda Byrne described. That I unknowingly asked for a spouse by saying I didn’t want one because the universe doesn’t differentiate between want or not want.
The claim of the book is that you can speak what you want into existence by acting, feeling, and living as if you already have what you are asking for. Furthermore, that thoughts are things. So, thinking about something repeatedly becomes your reality. You create your reality.
Hmm? No, that doesn’t make sense to me. Yes, a positive outlook changes your perspective, and a person can be happier and more fulfilled when living in a state of gratitude. However, you can’t change things or the people around you.
I was simply stating what I didn’t want, that one time! And why wouldn’t my energy repel any interested parties, Lol. After all I was thinking, speaking, and living as a single person.
It Was Me?
So, the universe gave me what I didn’t want because I didn’t phrase it correctly? The only thing that makes sense is that the universe doesn’t know want or not want, good or bad. It just is.
That takes me back to The Power of Now. In chapter ten Tolle talks about surrendering to the Now which will eliminate mind created resistance instantly.
This resistance to what is creates conflict and unhappiness. Things like wanting to be right, trying to control everything and everyone around you. Living in your past and worrying about the future.
Wait! So, I created the opposite of what I wanted because in my unconscious mind-identified reality that’s all that could exist? It wasn’t the Universe that gave me what I didn’t want, it was me?
In retrospect, when I met my husband, I was all emotion. Common sense went out the window. My mind created a reality that wasn’t really there. If I had been self-aware and present, I would have seen what was before me as opposed to what I hoped was there.
Surrendering
So, The Secret is about saying and thinking about what you desire and then believing, acting, and living as if you already have what you want. Carefully stating what it is so there is no confusion. Secret? No, you just determine what you want and take steps to get it. A self-fulfilling prophecy, yes?
The Power of Now is a little harder to wrap your head around because we are so mind-identified.
First, acknowledge that there is resistance. A resistance to the present moment, the Now, what is. We would instead hold on to walking through this world unconscious: worrying about the past, the future, what others think of us, feeling not good enough, identifying with our pain so we can’t go anywhere without it.
Surrendering to this resistance, choosing to be in the moment, let’s all that fall to the wayside because surrendering has nothing to do with the mind! Surrendering is where spiritual energy resides.
And it does not mean that you must accept suffering. It means that rather than trying to change something that is not in your power to do so, or staying in it because it may change in the future, you accept what is allowing you to see where you are at and what you are dealing with.
Like Waking Up
Applying this to my current situation of my daughter possibly moving in, at first my thoughts and words were, “I just want to be free.” Then catching it I began saying, “I am free and have all the time in the world to do what I want.”
These feelings all created suffering because I wasn’t free. I was in the past where it was just me or in the future where it wouldn’t be. And saying over and over again that I am free does not change my daughter’s situation or that she asked me for help.
Being in the moment will allow me to appreciate whatever is while I’m in it rather than trying to change it and becoming frustrated, resentful, and angry affecting everyone around me.
Resisting the Now is like being in a dream: Seeing everything that is happening in front of and around you and feeling confused about what is actually happening and powerless to change anything.
Being in the moment is choosing peace and removing anything or anyone that does not supplement that peace, or at the very least leaves it alone.
Surrendering is like waking up and suddenly being aware of who and where you are; Living as opposed to being pulled along by life.
“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.”
The Buddha
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