The most important time…
to be steadfast is when someone you have removed from your inner circle is attempting to gain access to you again.
You cut them off because the love you have for yourself restored your vision. The self-respect you carry yourself with keeps you warm at night. The space that you have reclaimed as your own renders them unnecessary.
You are at peace, resolved, and happy.
Then here they come pointing out how you are no longer your loving, giving, selfless self. It’s pointless to point out that you are in self-preservation mode.
Not to mention that due to the excessive cortisol in your system that hindered your short-term memory, you are unable to remember what it is that you are protecting yourself from. But your gut remembers and is powering your resolve.
How to move forward, you wonder.
Look Back
Look back at your relationship history. Specifically at the periods where you have no memory. Surround them with things you know to be true. Eventually, you will remember bits and pieces but more so you will feel what it is you experienced.
Ask family or friends that were there if they remember what happened. Look at pictures. Be a detective.
Acknowledge your gut feelings and try to find out what it’s trying to tell you. The more you learn to trust your inner compass, the stronger it becomes.
Although it will feel like your intuition is an emotion, it is actually based on facts that you know to be true.
Let it guide you.
Keep Your Head
They will try to tell you that you are wrong. That your memory, experience, and perspective are secondary to theirs.
Keep your head. Trust your senses.
Some partnerships will never be on the same page. Some people are incapable of allowing another’s opinions, thoughts, feelings, or questions to come to dinner.
Stand tall because your truth is true. The confusion you feel is validation that you must dig deeper.
At the very least you will be respected for standing your ground. If not by anyone else, by the one most important, you.
Stand Up and Walk Away
What do you bring to the table? A question that we have all heard or asked of someone potentially ours.
Unfortunately, once at that table, not everything will always be made clear. Even if it is, we have a way of clearing all that away to make room for our hope and expectations.
You will get to a point eventually where you will wonder to yourself how many times are you going to willingly sit down at this table, knowing that nothing is forthcoming.
Well, the beauty of being an adult is that you do not need anyone’s permission to be excused from this table that you find yourself at.
All you have to do is stand up and walk away.
See, Hear, and Feel
That means keeping your emotions in check. That may sound counter intuitive. We are supposed to share our feelings with our significant other in order to work things out, right?
But what if that person dismisses, diminishes, mocks, or ignores everything we feel and have to say? If we allow that, we are breaking our own heart.
Save your emotions for a more productive space that will open your eyes and honor your heart.
See, hear, and feel what is right in front of you and rejoice. You are awake.
We Are All Self-Contained
We are all self-contained. We possess everything that we need to be happy.
Want is another story. Desiring another transforms our want into a need and that’s when we come to believe that what we need is in their hands.
With need comes the fear of either not being able to acquire or losing once acquired what it is we believe we must have in order to be whole.
That fear is what drives our emotions. The emotions are what blind us to every truth including that we don’t want to accept that truth.
The first step is to let your feelings fall away until all that is left are the facts. All of the other steps will fall in line after that.
Then dismiss anyone uninvited and enjoy your meal.
“Fear arises from desire, but dissolves of its own accord when you stand firm and bear it with impartiality.”
Buddha
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