I would say…
Ninety percent of the time I am in control of my emotions. Well. That ten percent is really getting on my nerves!
Recently, I, yes, ugh, lost my composure. I knew that I was overstimulated, tired, and had reached my capacity for that day, I just didn’t know how to stop myself in that moment.
Later that evening I contemplated what happened. I obviously reacted. It all happened so fast!
I wondered if emotions are what follow when one is reacting, where do emotions go if responding?
Actually, emotions are expressed in both situations with one distinction: Reacting is quick. Responding is slower.
That does not mean that you save your losing it for later, rather take those emotions and pull them back enough to assess what is going on and what needs to be done if anything.
Reacting
How could I have lost my self-awareness, calmness, and self-control in a matter of seconds??
I came across something on the internet a few months ago. I don’t remember what site, or if it was an article in my news feed, or a TikTok video, but it stuck with me.
It said practice not inserting your emotions into every situation. This practice is like trauma training because staying present, assessing what you see, and not what you feel, may be the difference between life and death.
In retrospect I was reacting to my feelings and not what was actually happening.
It felt like I was heading for a whirlpool where all I could do was panic.
Responding
Responding is planned and planning takes thought which requires one to pause.
I knew that I needed to pause but felt literally incapable. It seemed that my emotions high jacked my mind.
I want to say that maybe it was due to a hormonal imbalance, but that felt like a cop out. Too easy. It feels more accurate to say that I reverted to my unconscious self in that moment.
Obviously, more practice staying present is needed.
More accurately the practice of staying present is a way of life.
A Harbinger
Looking back and dissecting the event I can see now that there were plenty of chances for me to stop, acknowledge what I was feeling, and divert my train of thought.
I could feel everything winding up inside. That whirlpool that I just mentioned was a harbinger: a sign that something explosive was coming.
Why didn’t I heed the sign?
It’s so simple that I feel a little sheepish to even explain it. My reaction was a learned response.
I’ve seen it a million times growing up. It was easy to recognize from the outside, but being on the inside was an eye opener for sure.
It was very frustrating. I mean, who likes to feel out of control?
Being Human
When you think about it, I mean, really get to the bottom of it, feelings, emotions, losing control, is really a big part of life.
There is no way around it.
The key is to not take it all too seriously. We’re all just here to learn.
I have a friend who sometimes drinks a little too much at parties. She may say and do things that might be embarrassing when recounted the day after. Things that I would be maybe a little ashamed of. Yet, she is not.
I admire that because she not only accepts that she is human and humans make mistakes, but more so that she doesn’t see it as a mistake. It was just her being human.
So, I lost my composure, so what?
What’s funny is that in Post #38 I talked about learning to stay present and how it has shown me that, “…choosing to respond rather than react is preserving my peace.”
I applied this learning to my marriage, but this is important in all of your relationships including the one we have with ourselves.
Well, back to class I go, Lol.
“Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.”
Winston Churchill
Leave a Reply