The best of the…
best of friends is one who is lovingly honest. That is very hard to come by. They are either brutally honest or lovingly accommodating. So, if you don’t have one of those rare creatures, why not be that unicorn to yourself?
Self-love includes serving that honesty to ourselves.
We are steadfast friends who point out impending disasters, others who threaten their peace, and paths that are best not taken to our friends.
However, when it comes to us, we close our eyes to our own actions, cover our ears when someone is trying to set us straight, and cover our mouths so that we don’t have to take accountability.
Set Boundaries, Say No
It’s time to step outside of yourself and really look at you and what you are doing to your life.
We give so much of ourselves to help build and support others without a second thought. Yet, when it comes to us, we put our well-being, mental health, safety, passions, on a shelf.
The only way to put ourselves first, to set boundaries, to give yourself the time to invest in your needs and wants, is to say no. But before you can get to that place in your head and your heart, you must believe that what you want to do with your time, and in your life matters.
Without that belief the subsequent guilt that comes after saying the word no will disable your resolve causing you to give in or become uncomfortable at even the thought of saying no again. And you won’t say it.
Do for yourself what you advise others to do. Find time for your interests and guard your creative time like you would a friend who has asked for your protection.
Be your own hero.
We Let Ourselves Give Up
It’s easy to use the excuse that there is no time for us because we are too busy helping others.
We wait for the recipients of our efforts to recognize our sacrifices and to thank us by giving our time back to us. Yet deep down we know that day will never come because they believe that we give from our hearts. In reality we are giving from our wounds.
Too many of us who put helping others above themselves learned that focusing on themselves was selfish or self-indulgent. Putting yourself first, if you’re not intentionally hurting others, is an act of self-love.
Sometimes this lesson is so deeply ingrained that we let ourselves give up on anything and everything that we love. Furthermore, we mistakenly believe that giving all our resources to others exhibits our worth.
The Whole Truth
That is just a lie that we tell ourselves. Why? Because somewhere along the way we learned that we only mattered if we gave everything to others. Ironically, the people that require this high price are not worth it.
The first step to loving ourselves is to tell the truth about what motivates us to be of service in the first place. There is an eternal need for balance in this world. So, if you give to others you must give to yourself equally.
Also, discernment must be developed early on about the ones that genuinely need and deserve our help verses the ones that simply want to drain us of our resources and abilities.
Very few genuinely need our help.
What Are We Hiding From Ourselves?
It’s easy to get the sense that our friends are hiding, avoiding, or afraid to share something with us. That’s when we ask them if everything is okay. We let them know that we are there to help. That they can tell us anything. Now say that to yourself and spill.
What are we hiding from ourselves? Are we afraid to let our light shine, afraid to leave others behind, maybe of going in the wrong direction or making mistakes.
Be lovingly honest with yourself. And if things get a little murky, investigate, and talk it out, just like you would with a best friend.
Funny thing is we know. We know when things are off, not working, all wrong, but we ignore the signs and use helping others as an excuse to not help ourselves.
Close your eyes and look inside. The answers are waiting.
“Everyone has inside of him a piece of good news. The good news is that you don’t know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is!”
Anne Frank
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