We’ve all heard…
if you’re not doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable, then you are not living your best life. Or something like that.
Well, I have an appointment for a haircut in about twenty minutes. And, honestly, I’m freaking out a little bit. Why? Because when I made the appointment, twenty-four hours ago, I was sure that I was ready to cut it all off.
Now, my inner chatter sounds like, “Well, maybe just a little off the back.” I’m irritating myself. I know that I want it to be short, that I feel like myself when my hair is short, and that I don’t care what anyone thinks about my hair when it’s short.
I wonder, what is holding me back?
Men With Long Hair
No one talks about men with long hair. My son-in-law has long hair. His son has long hair. No one is looking at them and saying, hmm, a man should have short hair.
Well, maybe some people are, but the percentage is low compared to people who find it interesting, cool, and dare I say, sexy.
They have a little more leeway though. For example, a man can have a man bun with an undercut at the base of the neck or at the hairline. He is still just a man with long hair.
If a woman does that, looks different than what is socially acceptable, assumptions are made about her sexuality and gender.
Seventy-Percent
Okay, so there I am sitting in the chair. The stylist asks me what I would like to have done. I begin with, “short all around, a little longer on the top. Parted on the side.” Sounds reasonable, yes? A short-long style?
She doesn’t understand. So, I continue, trying to hide my frustration with myself. She then asks for a picture. I tell her that I prefer not to show her a picture because as that is not my face in the picture the hairstyle may not look good on me.
She waits.
So, I look in my phone until I find one, letting myself feel pressured. Not the style I want, because to me that would have been to go seventy percent, and I want to go one hundred.
I show her anyway and she begins.
Self-Sabotage
I knew when she was not understanding what I was talking about that she was not the stylist for me. Maybe I expected too much. I mean some tattoo artists don’t know how to draw. She needed a reference.
That was fine. But there is no doubt in my mind that she knew the picture I showed her was not the hairstyle that I had moments before described. I counted on her to be forthcoming when I should have put that trust in myself instead.
I knew that I should have gotten up and walked out and come back when I could describe exactly what I wanted. I was wasting both our time.
Why did I remain in the chair and self-sabotage what was supposed to be a day of transformation for me?
On some level there was fear. Could I pull off the hairstyle I wanted? Will everyone around me like it? Will my family like it? I know all that didn’t matter, but the fear was still there.
The cut was great, but it was not me. In retrospect, in that moment I should have asked her to cut it shorter. I did not. I left the salon feeling like I was in the wrong body.
A couple of hours later I called the salon. The stylist answered and upon hearing my name she said, “You want it shorter don’t you.”
“Yes,” I responded.
Went to Sleep a Stranger
Once home I was a zombie. Defeated and depressed, trying to hide my feelings from my family. When my grandson saw me, he said I was beautiful, fricken beautiful, to be exact, Lol.
His comment drove home that happiness, confidence, and love begins within.
I tried curling it before I went to bed. Nope. Went to sleep a stranger to myself. Woke up unhappy.
And then I made a decision.
I went into the bathroom and began cutting. I started with the hair around the ear, once snipped I was elated. Cut the length about an inch from my head and was in heaven. I only stopped when I reached the upper half of my head because I didn’t know how to cut it.
I have an appointment the day after tomorrow to correct what I have done, Lol. The hair stylist should be happy that I know exactly what I want.
I’m going to take a picture just in case, Lol.
Life Is Much Too Short
Today’s the day of my second appointment. Since my first appointment, I have cut my hair twice, fine tuning.
Upon walking into the salon, just like at my first appointment, the hair stylist was not there. I waited five then ten minutes. Then I got up and left. I considered this a sign from the universe.
An hour later I went to Supercuts and got my hair fixed. I love it! I finally feel like me and I got the transformation that I wanted.
Life would be a lot easier if we just did what we wanted without considering what other people like and think about our own choices. And if you are going to do it, go all the way.
Life is much too short.
“That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest.”
Henry David Thoreau
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