The only way to…
take care of myself is to sneak away. Someone always wants or needs something from me. That’s okay, I am loved, but if I want to be able to provide for my family, I must put the oxygen mask on myself first every now and then.
I am one of those people who needs silence. Total silence. It has been a minute since I have sat in such a place. A minute since I have given to myself.
All I have are my thoughts that keep repeating the same words in my head. Something that I would never speak out loud in my real life. But if there is any place that I can speak freely it is here. Writing them down is better. Just burn after reading, Lol.
I Want to Be Selfish
Did somebody gasp? Or were these the exact words that you needed to hear? We are never alone after all.
I could call it self-care, but those around me would only see me leaving. But this is how I feel and I’m going to say it again: I want to be selfish.
To think of only me. What I want and need. I fantasize that the hours in the day will become like the waves in the ocean, one unfolding after another. Never ending.
However, for a wife or mom, thinking of only yourself comes with loads of guilt. Even if we change the term to say, self-care. The words somehow change the meaning, yet they mean the same thing.
Selfishness is being concerned with one’s own personal profit or pleasure, without regard for others. Self-care is being concerned with one’s own interests or well-being. You could say that in the latter definition that the individual, when exercising self-care does so without regard for others as well.
Is that such a bad thing?
When raising my kids I rarely accepted invitations to venture out with co-workers or friends. My husband was not one of those dads that “babysat’ their kids, so I was effectively a married single mom.
It’s my time now.
What’s wrong with putting yourself first if nobody gets hurt?
My Name, Not My Roles
I have had many titles, played many roles, but it has been a long time since I’ve heard my own name called out for anything other than a need of my services.
I want to call my own name and marvel at the way the C sounds like an S, and the A at the end that comes out like a sigh.
Calling my own name will feel like a poem, a love story, and a desperate cry all at once because I am here. That is a fact. And don’t I deserve to marvel at my own existence?
Doesn’t everyone?
Each Moment Is Yours
No one tells you how important it is to walk alone. How each moment is yours, yours to live in, experience, define, shape, learn from, and grow in as you.
Instead, we learn growing up and teach that each person is only half a person and must find their other half if they are going to be whole…and happy.
That’s just a recipe for disaster. Yes?
It’s better to walk alone until you know yourself so well that what comes next is a result of your choices rather than another’s expectations for your life.
And if your life consists of those who count on you for meals, random dance parties, and everything in between, don’t forget that you need you too.
For how can we really learn who we are if we don’t acknowledge that we are, first and foremost.
“Putting yourself first isn’t selfish. It’s necessary.”
(This was a Pinterest Pin from @thedailyeditor)
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